'i' Cyborg 1.1
Experiments in Random Control: "I don't remember"
Penny Leong Browne
"Cyborgs are not reverent - they do not re-member the cosmos. They are wary of holism… " (A Cyborg Manifesto, Donna Haraway)
The story of the cyborg is a "story with a conclusion, for the cyborg is a shifting, ever evolving cipher of our own anxiety and desire to give meaning to the technological ethos." (The Uncanny, Grenville)
I don't remember where I saw it, but today is supposed to be the day you reveal your God in heaven. Skot started to wail on his guitar and Michelle just kept drinking. Actually I don't remember exactly what happened, but at one time there was something like 10 people in this tiny double occupancy room. I don't remember if she was offended by the term "hillbilly" or not, but Leslie definitely came from deep country roots. Anyways, shy girl here needs to talk when he's around instead of staring. He was interested when we met, we were talking about things, what things I don't remember - random everyday things. I know he's single, he told me about his ex-gf. I don't remember whether I got a good spanking or was just voraciously yelled at. Maybe I've blocked that memory out. What I do know is that my father didn't kill me. But, knowing what I know now, if he had, I couldn't blame him. I don't remember that at all, although reading this question made me start singing the theme song from Willing And Abel very loudly whilst sliding around the kitchen lino in my socks. So it hasn't been a total waste of time even though I remember the season and even remember the Citrus Bowl and my dad getting pissed at the game. I don't remember exactly the things I vaguely remember collecting - and some I don't remember at all: a small, wooden, heart shaped table, in pieces, a tin of heart shaped cookie cutters, a multi-coloured collapsible medicine cup from my retro phase - all from New Zealand, where there are like 50000 sheep for every one person (I may be making up the numbers, as I don't remember the actual figure). I don't remember too much so I suppose that is a good thing. If I don't remember, it's because something must have distracted me when I learned the information. I usually lie and say I don't remember, just so I can feel like I'm normal. I don't remember the names of any of the paper dolls we had, although it seems they might have been named after Movie Stars. When we got paper dolls, they came in a booklet form with light cardboard for the doll, with the picture. I was in this mansion and this guy was talking to me, I don't remember what he was saying because the only thing I could pay attention to were the walls. They were so yellow/gold looking. They were almost glowing. Next thing I know, and I don't remember seeing a water bowl. Any type of water bowl. I hope I'm wrong on this!!! The gravel was only enough to cover the bottom of the tank. Everyone was just sort of sitting around for lack of anywhere to go. I don't remember, because I don't pay myself enough to remember anything I've written. In fact now that I think of it, I don't remember seeing a car in the driveway or for that matter an actual street address on her business card. Yet, for some reason if a complete stranger hands me a plate of cookies, I'll scarf 'em down. I don't remember the remaining details, except that Dad said he never mixed chemicals in a sink again. I seem to recall that he was careful to stay out of the superintendent's way after this incident. I don't remember seeing everyone flying and flipping around me as it was happening. Who will read this and will they understand? Will they ever understand? Can anyone understand? Did I bring all of this upon myself? I don't remember asking for any of this but I remember hurting people. I remember not listening. I don't remember much past the ballgame. The next leg of our journey took us to Hoover Dam. We took the tour of the dam and were amazed at its massive size and the amount of work that was put into building something so massive. I don't remember exactly what I was wearing, but it's safe to bet that it was pretty bizarre (polite way of saying UGLY). And the jewelry - well, there was a lot of it. One piece, in particular, was a gigantic star ring, encrusted with "I don't remember what time we left". I DO remember the amazing brother we passed on the way out - with an, um, interesting choice of a date. Mismatched ain't even the word. I had to stop and lean against one of the tables after hearing, "I'm sorry but I don't remember you" and "Look buddy, I'm not buying this act. This was in the washing/cleaning area outside kitchen, I was wearing a coffee colored frock, which used to be one of my favorites (I don't remember my other dresses.). I must have been around a year and a half, because we moved. It's kind of a long story that I don't remember all that well myself but it involved some guy who had followed me and my dog down to a creek while we had been hiking, my dog freaked out, which freaked me out, so we wound up trying to. Now I'm worried, because I don't remember everything I had in flash on the dead T3, and if I can't get it back to life. To make a long story short (too late), I limp along until I get some time at home, dig up the steps for taking. I don't remember the cicadas ever coming back, but I do know that I would have gone on a stomping rampage once again if they did. Like I said, I'm not into killing bugs. Just the annoying ones. And the ones that sting. I don't remember what that was, I just remember the bottle, which had one of those dispenser tips you'd see on a bottle of olive oil. My father also used a hairspray called "Consort", and as he got older, he added a product called "Top". I don't remember what prompted me to ask this; probably just natural childhood curiosity. "You don't have to be, but it's a good idea." I felt very alarmed and thought, I'd better hurry up and get married. I don't remember enough of these dreams to know what I dreamt about - just that I had dreamt about them. The realist in me wants to think I must've seen them at some point in my life. I guess it would be silly to think. My parents must have told me when I was very young. The thing is, the reason these things keep happening is that when we say, "never again", we don't make people understand that that means, "never again ANYONE, never again". I don't remember, but it was probably over something really stupid, like a movie. Bought something? I think it may have been a Granny Smith, but I don't remember, and I'm not that up on my apples. I don't remember who convinced who to climb up the tower, but it was something. I'll never forget. ok, first off, a picture of it in the daytime. Imposing, isn't it? Now, just imagine it late on a cold fall night, the only light. And then I did something I shouldn't have, and drove home upset and crying - a drive I don't remember, except for screaming once, loudly, because it was either that or drive the car into something. But in a way, I have fallen apart. I hope it was something cool like "I will indeed" or "It will be my pleasure," but I don't remember. The elevator stopped at my floor and I got off. I presume I gave a polite and dignified nod as I stepped off. I don't remember feeling jetlag when I was younger. I'd hop off a plane and be ready to go. Now it takes several days in either direction before I feel normal again. This time I've been falling asleep exhausted by nine but then waking, even when they were waiting in Kuwait and diving into bunkers because they thought they were being bombed with chemical weapons, I don't remember thinking horrible thoughts. Not even when they were crossing the Iraqi border and looking back, I don't remember it being that hard. And, I don't remember receiving much guidance either. Is the "real world" actually hard? The others came not long afterwards. I don't remember in what order. I don't remember exactly when it was. My friends and I had a nickname for this phenomenon in middle school, but I don't remember what it was. It's obvious those mean jokes are coming back to bite what's left of my butt now. Will it come back? I hope so. I don't remember much else about this visit. I don't remember what brought us there. We didn't eat there. I think we may have gone there since they were moving. They had found things they wanted to give to him. I don't remember partaking in any peace offerings and I surely didn't kiss anyone on the lips so it must have been passed through the cards. Oh wait, wasn't it Waffles not only hacking all over the cards but also on our gratuitous host? I don't remember being there, you didn't drug me did you?!