Art 364B - Miriam Schaer
Note: Over a period of seven months nanomajority will feature the women of ART364B in seven separate monthly installments.
To participate in the conversation, click "Add new comment" at the bottom of the page.
Artist's Statement: Baby (Not) on Board: The Last Prejudice?, An Introduction
“Selfish... Neurotic... Irresponsible... Immature... Unfeminine... Unfulfilling... Materialistic... Uptight... Deviant” — all words I have heard to characterize my decision to not have children, a decision transforming me into a target of one of society’s remaining and widely held prejudices.
Baby (Not) on Board: The Last Prejudice?, addresses the question of why the existence of women who choose maternal independence over child-rearing angers or offends so many people and institutions. The work presented here is part of a continuing exploration of our culture’s pejorative views about women without kids. For Baby (Not) on Board: The Last Prejudice?, I hand-embroidered representative negative comments on baby dresses using red thread to create scarlet letters. Gathered from interviews with childless women, online research, and personal experience, the statements taunt and accuse, and are typical of an endless flow of critical statements that seem to be growing bolder even as non-traditional families are gaining greater acceptance.
In the course of my research I have spoken with many women, both in formal interviews and casual conversations. Often I chatted with women while working on the embroidery pieces, which are very portable, as I commuted to and from my teaching position at Columbia College Chicago. The responses I got were very strong. Many women, often those with children, shared with me their own stories about having felt trapped or seduced by the myth of “having it all.” Others told me about the pressures they experienced to have children before they had children, from family members and others in their communities.
My interlocutors raised so many questions about the nature of the prejudice against women (rarely men) who have chosen not to (or who cannot for one reason or another) follow society’s traditional childbearing path that they also, in effect, presented the case for a better, broader understanding of this cultural bias. Lately, more gay and lesbian friends have spoken with me about the recent pressure they have felt to have children.
The Reproduction Imperative
“The key reason marriage existed at all, in any society, at any time, was because sexual relationships between men and women produced children,” Charles Cooper argued in defense of California’s notorious Proposition 8, which bans same-sex marriage, in California’s 9th Circuit court. Cooper, who is lead counsel for Prop. 8-sponsor Protect Marriage, continued with, ”When a relationship between a man and a women becomes a sexual one, society immediately has an vital interest in it for two reasons. One, society needs the creation of new life for the next generation; but, secondly, society’s vital interests are actually threatened by the possibility that an unintentional and unwanted pregnancy will mean the child born out of wedlock is raised by its mother alone, and this directly implicates society’s vital interests.”
Does he mean having children is the only reason to have a relationship?
For myself, I am clear I couldn’t have the life I live, which I love, had I children. Of course, many women manage to juggle kids, careers and other activities all at once, but many have told me about the difficulties they endured doing or trying to do so, and the importance of resources like family to help out, and income sufficient to hire help.
I welcome readers’ views, from all perspectives, about this prejudice as I continue my work. (Click "Add new comment" at the bottom of the page.)
Note: Click on an image below to start the slideshow.
Comments
I was told for years that I was selfish not to have children. How can one be selfish to what doesn't exist? Whatever. It turned out my lack of children was no decision of mine anyway. I am a barren woman. I am also an incest survivor.
These two attributes often are found together. When a female has intercourse too early in life, it can blow out her hormone circuitry entirely & render that female sterile. Also, coming from the horrific family I did, I had zero interest in reproducing any sort of family of my own. Family=Danger.
Plus, I've always had enough trouble keeping myself alive & intact, nevermind actively producing another creature to feed & house. I KNOW I am not the maternal sort & there are 2 ways of dealing with that: be a lousy mother, or just don't take on the task in the first place. I salute those who adopt unwanted children--but I couldn't handle owning & operating my own dog until I was 42.
Now that humans are busily destroying the planet like a plague of locusts, it CAN be nice to declare oneself an uber-environmentalist for not producing more of us. I like to think of that especially when I encounter the types of mothers who act as though they are a sainted elite as they gaze upon their (often spoiled) toddlers. I've been invited to attend their toddler-centric activities, but I don't. I think it is demeaning for adults to sit around being an 'audience' to kids who are simply playing. I mean, unless you are the parent or the babysitter.
Mary Brady
I am truthfully disgusted that anyone would say these things about someone's choice to not be a mother. Thank you for this exhibit, it has made me aware of a prejudice that I did not realize was so prominent.
With each slide I gasped until the 6th made me quake with joy. I knew I was meant to be child-free with all my Madam Alexander dolls wanted to be nuns and I cut their hair and put on veils. To be free, to love all, to honestly say, "I am not supposed to have children," with an open heart and hand. It just seemed obvious to me. These are just evocotive, dazzling and I love them. Thank you.
I don't know why this reads as anonymous.
Zoe Nicholson
onlinewithzoe.com
I love love love this new work. Its fantastic and takes on a silent taboo - the Chlldless Woman! For example when I travel through certain parts of the world I lie about not having children. Its easier than explaining why one doesn't! Great Work. Inspiring.
Right on..... target!!!
So weary of many comments like these, I am able to completely stop it coming at me by telling people:
"My contribution to the world is to NOT reproduce." Either they get it and shut up or, more often than not, they don't have a clue as to what I am saying and so say nothing. Either way works for me. Then we can get to talking about what I actually do.
And what you do....
So important for the history of feminism that this issue is addressed until it really is NOT an issue.
Very effective to use the quotations on "cute" little dresses ; it is a powerful juxtaposition. This work is a real contribution. Thank you! Maria Epes
Baby (Not) On Board. Before reading this piece, the first visual image came to my mind was "a crying baby in my flight", annoying inconvenience and after reading, my judgment to try embracing unfortunate relevancy forced on me by the baby's parents (no gender in question) brought the baby with them (selfish choice) in my pre-flight state of impatience. Tadashi
with civil union law passed in IL i admittedly am not looking forward to the increased pressure that we will receive to adopt a child. even with all the legal road blocks that exist making it extra hard for gay couples to adopt, the subtle pressure is always present! people might be wanting to share a what they refer to as a great-joy-in-the-life but i think their push for it is like asking a non-christian to participate in midnight mass at christmas. i am very delighted that you have made this work, it helps me process that pressure, understand it better and clarify my stance on the matter.
There is no question to me that a childless woman is always considered to have something "missing". It's a feeling that is hard not to internalize. I have a career in academe, and realize it's no accident there are so few women with children. I work all the time. I love it absolutely, but know that I would have to have significant funds or a wealthy husband in order to facilitate a family in addition to my career. (And pay disparity with childbearing age women is another major issue, of course.)
Which gets me to the concept of women and labor. A little known fact: Walter Mondale fought for free childcare for all in the 70s. Can you imagine how our society would have been transformed had this become reality? Childcare today is frought with issues of sexism and marginalization as women who want to maintain careers must engage other women (usually at costs well below a real living wage) to take care of them.
It is my opinion women still suffer the most from all this confusion. I find as I stare down the barrell of age 40 that something so simple as going home for the holidays brings all this up. Marriage and children are touchstones society can engage with. My recent show abroad? Not so much. I can't imagine what it is like for alternative-minded women who don't want children, or even those who adopt, to find their sense of self in what is still a conservative culture. I find it excruciating, and I come from a progressive family (who still, by the way, offer their fair share of painful comments over the childless issue).
Recently, I've been trying to develop the concept of "loss" cutting the other way. Women who have children can't ever experience the freedom and creative outlets I have as a career and art-focused individual. I think when we start looking at this issue from both angles, with real compassion and an understanding that "have it all" is mostly a construct of a capitalist society, we'll move forward on this issue. --Melissa
Wow, this is a very unflattering mirror you've placed in front of me. I must admit that there have been times when I was surprised by women I've met who've chosen not to have children. I guess it's because I always dreamt of having children so strongly that I just never understood women who didn't have this longing. I've never said anything to a woman who has made that choice, just as I've never said anything to a woman who opted to have an extremely large family. I am, however, guilty of asking myself why either woman would make these choices.
Well, I guess I have some self examination to do. The next time I meet a woman who has chosen not to have children, or has chosen to have many, I will stop myself from wondering. It really is none of my business.
If we are going to push the feminist agenda forward, I believe it is deeply our "business" to look at all sides and value the individual choices and contributions of all. I am equally puzzled by women who want children to the exclusion of all else. Perhaps given how hormonally different each individual is, gender and parenting are on a continuum rather than the roles of male and female.
Before I accidently got pregnant I never considered the possibility of having kids and in fact was convinced that I wouldn't have any. I had a wonderful job as the director of a small arts organization and was very happy and fulfilled with the place I was in at that time. And then I found out that I was pregnant, which turned everything upside down. But with time I got used to the idea and once my son was born I got a new perspective and found a new fulfilment. I still worked on art projects but now as a freelancer (curating and grantwriting from home) and felt a new form of love that is really unreplicated in any other relationship. Having a child does change your life indeed, but the return on investment is immeasurable. There is no way of understanding it until you experience it for yourself, therefore I can easily understand women not necessarily longing to have kids - I was one. But some accidents are truly blessings in disguise. Mine forced me to create a different kind of life, one that I live not only for myself, although my professional activities are still important to me and continue to play a significant role in my life.
I also have never heard of childless women to be looked down upon by society, especially now that people are having kids so much later. But since many have experienced it, I would say that it's probably a normal reaction since it's considered the normal path for people - they find a partner and reproduce. It would probably seem just as strange to society if someone were to declare that they don't want to find love because thye want to remain independent.
Wow...what planet are you living on? I want to travel there immediately. Have you found a little square of paradise on this earthly plane?
I don't mean to sound sarcastic but where have you been? Maybe you are a younger generation than me (I'm in my 50's) and haven't faced these issues.
I'm am especially surprised since you work with artists and are an artist. Mostly made up of people who are not typical, often don't want children and want to be independent and sometimes single.